vol. 2018.11.1 목 16:11 updated
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Phew Man, It Is So Hard!
2017년 03월 07일 (화) 10:12:31 GLOBE globe@jbnu.ac.kr
   

Do you have some experiences in which you made friends embarrassed unintentionally? We know how important it is to get along with people, but it is not easy. This causes other problems or some people choose to live alone without the stress which comes from human relations. In these difficulties, what can we do? What are the solutions?

●Everyone Is in the Human Web!

   

Human relationships exist anywhere and anytime. In other words, no one can be free from making an amicable human relationship. In particular, it is the very relationship that distinguishes humans from the animals. Also, every human can live, love, and grow thanks to human relationships. When we are born, we make the first relationships with parents, siblings, or other relatives. At the same time, grown up, we also build more various relations with friends, supervisors, and so on. Furthermore, if you believe in a god, you are also making new relationships with that god! Like these cases, there are so many kinds of human relationships, so it is not easy to define the exact meaning of what a human relationship is. However, commonly, human relationships are regarded as the emotional and behavioral connection between people. According to the Korean Statistical Information Service, there are four kinds of human relationships. The first is a bad relationship in which both of you are hostile to each other so you never talk to one another. The second is a common relationship. In this relationship, neither has certain feelings about the other, but they can understand each other a little, given certain benefits. The third is a good relationship. For example, if you have this relationship with someone, they can persuade you to help them without too much effort. The perfect relationship is the last, and in this relation, you would gladly lend money because you really trust them. Meanwhile, even though human relationship is an essential part of humanity, lots of people have many difficulties when it comes to making a good connection with each other. For instance, people make slight mistakes unintentionally and sometimes it leads to big conflicts. For this reason, some give up making rounded relations. How about you? Do you get along with your people?

●I Knew You Were in Trouble

   

① Combat in uniform: Although soldiers are honorable in duties, some of them exploit the hierarchical and conservative attributes of the army and harass colleagues behind a superior’s back. Even worse, they sexually assault certain colleagues intensively. A few years ago, in Korea, one private first class killed himself due to mob violence. Furthermore, a sergeant aimed a gun at his violent colleagues as revenge. Sadly, these kind of shocking accidents still occur continuously. In the army, considering its social role, appropriate regulation or control should exist so that it can maintain stabilization. However, distorted human relationships in the army need to be improved.

   

② Freshmen crash course: Most people face the difficulty of human relations in school first. Students meet many friends who each have separate characters and various experiences, so these lead them to conflict with each other. For instance, in some universities, when freshmen go to Membership Training (MT), they are compelled to drink too much alcohol, which is especially called “Sabal Ceremony.” In this ceremony, superiors set penalties like drinking alcohol which is mixed various other alcohols or other food or even their spit. Moreover, they inflict corporal punishment on the freshmen. The frightened juniors cannot help but to following the abnormal regulations. These relationships are the representative relationships which need to be renovated in schools.

●I am the Best Friend!

   

“I am a little lonely but do not want to meet others.” What do you think of first, when you hear someone say this? Have you ever thought like this? In the past, being alone meant that one would not have friends or would be regarded as a social misfit. For these reasons, people were ashamed of being alone, so if they did not have companions they chose to take their meals in the bathroom secretly. However, these days, lots of the young generations are not reluctant to be left alone. Rather, they are proud of being like that. Since they get bored with making relationships with others, they prefer eating, playing, and doing anything alone. For them, human relationships are not an essential thing but are an inconvenient thing that just consumes time, effort, and money. There is nothing they cannot do alone!
The Korean drama Drinking Solo accelerated this phenomenon, too. In that drama, examinees and instructors in Noryangjin, which is the representative educational region in Korea, drink alcohol or go to the movies alone, living alone. Furthermore, the TV program My Ugly Duckling which is under the theme of celebrities who live alone, has been a hit. In the program, viewers watch the real life of the lonely celebrities. Likewise, many university students or office workers eat meals and go to the karaoke rooms alone. Coin Karaoke where they can sing as they paid has especially been a hit. Meanwhile, the people who live alone care for small but luxurious lifestyles like fitness, beauty, travel, and home appliances. Using these features, companies are targeting them in earnest. For examples, one of the Korean companies, Dongbu Daewoo Electronics, released smaller microwaves and refrigerators, while LG Electronics launched new water purifiers for people who live alone. Since they mainly eat instant and convenience food, new home appliances and airtight containers are popular with them. Furthermore, restaurants and coffee shops are serving new menu courses for them. In particular, convenience stores are making various packed lunches with moderate prices and good quality. Some of these products are developed by famous cooks, so they are a hit with the young generation. Besides, brewing companies have released beer and whiskey in smaller sizes, targeting them.
Experts cite two main reasons about these new phenomena. Thanks to SNS, people can communicate with various people, so they do not need to meet others in person. Moreover, young generations are in trouble with getting jobs, so they put priority on improving themselves rather than human relationships. Several experts are worrying that these lonely phenomena can accelerate the aging society and break nuclear families. However, some insist that people who live alone are not wrong, but natural. In any case, it is clear that they are influential consumers and a powerful generation. What is your opinion about these new human relationships? How about you?

●Words from Mentors for You
Then, what should we do with our human relations? Here are quotes and proverbs that can help with your harsh human relationships. Take some advice from them, and these will help your future human relations.

<Quotes and Proverbs for future human relations>
- “Human relation should be like a stove. Be neither close nor far.” (Korean Buddhist, Haemin)
- “Every one of us gets through the tough times because somebody is there, standing in the gap to close it for us.” (American media proprietor, talk show host, Oprah Winfrey)
- “I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I am not.” (American musician, artist, songwriter, Kurt Cobain)
– “Think not those faithful who praise all your words and actions; but those who kindly reprove your faults.” (Greek philosopher, Socrates)
– “It has been my experience that one cannot, in any shape or form, depend on human relations for lasting reward. It is only work that truly satisfies.” (American actress, Bette Davis)
Personality is to a man what perfume is to a flower. – Self management is proportional to one’s human relation.
- Of all the tyrannies on human kind the worst is that which persecutes the mind. – Do not harm others’ feeling.
- Every man has a fool in his sleeve. – Everyone has a weakness.
- People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones – Do not blame others if you are a person who has clear weakness.

<Dale Carnegie’s Human Relations>
How to Win friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie was chosen as one of the most influential books in United States history. This book gives the way and advice, subject first, and then it introduces some short anecdotes about them. Right after those anecdotes, there are some Carnegie’s quotes about human relations.


<Fundamental techniques in handling people>
1. Do not criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

 
<Six ways to make people like you>
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely. 

●Check Your Human Relation!
Here is a quick checklist for human relations. Try these to check up on your human relationships! This can help you to check how you do well in relating to others. (1),(2),(3) are the points.
   
1. Do you say your opinion properly? ⑴ No ⑵ Yes, but sometimes ⑶ Yes, right away
2. Do you decorate and hide the actual meaning in your words? ⑴ A lot ⑵ No ⑶ According to the need
3. Do you smile during conversation? ⑴ Not at all ⑵ Sometimes ⑶ Almost always
4. During a conversation, how many words do you have compared to your partner? ⑴ A lot for me ⑵ More than the partner’s ⑶ Pretty similar
5. How much do the relations help your counterpart? ⑴ Not at all ⑵ Just fine ⑶ Very helpful
6. How much do the relations help you? ⑴ Not at all ⑵Just fine ⑶ Very helpful

<1~6 points>
You definitely need expert help.
<7~12 points>
You are okay, but there are some problems in your human relations.
<13~15 points>
You can solve your human relation problem by yourself!
<16~18 points>
You do not need any help with human relations! You are perfect.


●Need an Experts’ Help? Come to CBNU Happy Center!
CBNU Happy Center is a psychological counseling center that was established as the first in Korean universities. Not only can students consult someone, but staff of CBNU can also consult about their worries with the counselor for free. They will give you advice, and if it does not work, then the counselors can connect you with professional welfare agency. Also, the center can support your fee. If you have difficulty and hardship related to the human relations, how about visiting the Happy Center? The center is located on the second floor of the first Student Hall. You can also get counseling in the CBNU dormitory from 6:30 pm to 9:30 pm every Thursday.

To have a nice relationship with others, the first step is to love oneself and conduct self-examination of oneself. In that step, you overcome the bad human relationships by having enough time to understand yourself more precisely. While having a human relationship, putting your own independent thoughts into your action is important. Also, find some activities or hobbies or take your time in your own way. Then, thanks to your strong preparation, better human relationships will come to you before you know it!

 

 

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